by Naomi Foster

In Joanne Beard’s The Boys of My Youth, she reflects on her past experiences, ranging from her months in the womb to her adolescent years, her twenties, and finally her mid-thirties. In a collection of personal essays, Beard analyzes her past self, revealing her innermost thoughts and emotions. While some of the events mentioned are extraordinary—such as workplace shootings and attempted murder via road rage—the majority of the experiences she recounts are mundane at best. Going to a bar in one’s twenties, attending a wedding, renovating a home, and taking a road trip or two hardly seem life-altering. However, Beard’s acute attention to detail, particularly in actions, thoughts, dialogue, and emotions, creates fully developed scenes, making for an entertaining coming-of-age memoir.

Scene is one of the most important elements of creative nonfiction, as it provides context for the situations being described while allowing the reader to immerse themselves in the literary work. Each scene requires a driving force to push the story along, also known as conflict. Aside from obvious verbal disputes, authors demonstrate conflict through body language, actions, and symbolism (e.g., wine being associated with distress). While the structure of a scene is complex, the scene itself can be simple. Simplicity does not mean that a story is boring; rather, it allows for deeper analysis and interpretation. In The Boys of My Youth, Beard employs these tactics to develop scenes based on childhood events.

In the essay “Bulldozing the Baby,” Beard recounts the loss of her beloved baby doll, Hal. Though the climax of the essay occurs when the doll is thrown into a dumpster, never to be seen again, Beard builds tension much earlier. She describes a typical bath with Hal, during which her mother relays a message to the doll, saying, “Tell Jo-Jo that she is not to stand up in the tub…” (Beard 98). Beard’s internal dialogue reveals her discomfort with her mother’s baby talk: “I found it unnerving to have her speak directly to him, didn’t she know he was a doll?” (Beard 98). This internal dialogue builds tension. Beard never explicitly articulates her disdain for her mother’s behavior but rather displays it through her actions and body language. When her mother tries to wash her hair, young Beard “shrieked and tried to shake [her] head; a wave washed over [her] mouth” (Beard 98). This tantrum is a blatant act of rebellion, signaling the power struggle between mother and daughter. The mother’s reaction—telling Beard to “shut up” and “brassknuckling [her] head with a towel” (Beard 98)—suggests underlying animosity. Through carefully chosen words and actions, Beard conveys emotions without explicitly stating them, allowing readers to interpret the scene for themselves.

Later in the essay, Hal is described as having a “[lumpy body] with protrusions of wadded stuffing…a gritty sand-like substance coming through his pores” (Beard 101). The disturbing imagery evokes feelings of disgust and discomfort, mirroring the adults’ reaction to the destroyed doll. When it is suggested that Hal be thrown away, Beard reacts by shaking her head vigorously and unleashing a “blood-curdling scream” (Beard 101), demonstrating her deep attachment to the doll. Readers empathize with her; she is no longer a “problem child” but rather a young girl experiencing her first significant loss. This theme of loss recurs throughout the memoir, including in the essay “Coyote,” where Beard’s failing marriage mirrors her childhood experience with Hal. Her husband, Eric, begins wearing cologne and practicing smiles in the mirror (Beard 145), signaling his emotional detachment. Just as Hal was discarded, Beard’s husband eventually leaves her, reinforcing the theme of abandonment.

Beard’s ability to weave overlapping themes throughout the book is a testament to her skill as a writer. Her scenes, no matter how major or minor, contribute to the narrative in meaningful ways. For example, in Bonanza, Beard evokes feelings of empathy by immersing readers in the tedium of childhood. She describes her grandparents’ house in overwhelming detail: “I look around the room, at the pictures that cover every inch of wall space, my aunts and uncles with their families, framed sayings from the olden days, plaques with jokes about outhouses, a pair of flying ceramic ducks with orange beaks and feet, and on and on. Too much to look at” (Beard 13). The lengthy, breathless sentence structure mirrors the visual overstimulation Beard experiences as a child, making the reader feel her unease.

Additionally, Beard uses objects as symbols of emotion. While some authors associate wine with distress, Beard and her loved ones use cigarettes as a coping mechanism. This motif appears throughout the memoir. In the preface, a young Beard cries out for Hal, and her mother, unable to console her, smokes a cigarette, turning to Beard’s father and saying, “Don’t ask me” (Beard). This moment establishes a pattern: cigarettes symbolize stress and detachment. The motif reappears in Cousins after Beard and her cousin survive a near-fatal car accident. Instead of expressing her emotions, Beard lights a cigarette and plays with the radio. The cigarette resurfaces when Beard discusses her failing marriage and when her sister appears with a black eye. By the middle of the book, readers instinctively recognize the cigarette as an indicator of high-stress situations.

Prior to reading Beard’s work, I had a misconstrued perception of creative nonfiction. I believed that every story had to be entirely factual, or else it would be inauthentic. However, Beard’s memoir includes recollections from her toddler years, including moments in the crib. While some memories may be true, it is unlikely that Beard remembers these experiences firsthand. Instead, she likely filled in gaps using imagination and storytelling. This does not make her writing dishonest; rather, it adds depth and context to her experiences. As a writer, I plan to apply this technique to my own creative nonfiction by embracing the art of storytelling while maintaining authenticity.

Another technique I admire in Beard’s writing is her emotional vulnerability. She does not merely recount events; she immerses readers in her emotional state. For example, when visiting her grandparents, she conveys her ennui, and when her husband leaves, she captures her loneliness and heartbreak. Though she does not always explicitly state her emotions, readers can infer them through her descriptions and actions. In my own writing, I tend to reflect on my emotions only after an event has passed. Moving forward, I plan to write in the present tense to capture my emotions as they unfold, creating a more immersive experience for readers.

In The Boys of My Youth, Joanne Beard reflects on her past experiences through a collection of personal essays. Her acute attention to detail in actions, thoughts, dialogue, and symbolism creates scenes that entrance and immerse the reader. Going forward, I plan to utilize Beard’s techniques in my own creative nonfiction in hopes of achieving greater emotional vulnerability in my writing.